Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you´re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for.
My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. ..well, she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet..
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
This liquor store needs a dollar menu.
I gave my dog a middle name today, so he knows when he`s really in trouble.
My wife has a thing for bringing injured animals home... I think she should just stop driving.
There`s no mirrors in this self checkout?!?
“Should I add more liquor?” is the most ridiculous question I’ve ever been asked.
Hey bartender, pour me another, I see ugly people.
I`m too lazy to ever write a biography. Story of my life.
I went to Jared for my girlfriend`s Christmas gift. I`m sure she will love her Subway gift card.
I`m a firm believer that if something takes 10 minutes to cook on 200 degrees then it should only take 5 minutes to cook on 400 degrees
If Monday was a movie, it would be very long and boring.
UFC is 10% fighting, and 90% advertising the next fight
is procastinating now. Don´t see why I should put it off.