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Running on two hours of sleep I’m either way too happy or violently homicidal.
If it`s true that we are here on earth to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
How much do those guys who yell in the back of rap songs make? I could totally do that.
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
My neighbors don`t appreciate it when I skip along the property line, singing "This Land is My Land."
Synonym: Word used in place of the one you can`t spell.
Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider’s home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy…you just hoped nobody found out.
May the bridges I burn light the path in front of me...
I’ve realized I get ridiculously nervous driving behind semi’s or trucks carrying sh!t that could fall out and impale me all because of final destination 2.
"I get knocked down, but I get up again, You`re never gonna keep me down" ~Bowling pins
Left the toilet seat up. Wife screaming in 5, 4, 3, 2...
Maybe the government just needs to control/alt/delete and then restart in safe mode.
This strip mall certainly is misleading And I probably should put my clothes back on now.
If a guy stares at your boobs, just stare at his d!ck ... maybe squint a little bit
I don`t get my neighbor. tells me to make my self at home but then gets pissed off when they come into the kitchen and I`m in my underwear making a sandwich.