Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you live in a custom-built house that doesn’t have a secret room hidden behind a fake bookcase, then seriously what is the point?
Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
You know you`re addicted to your iphone when you start using your fingers to zoom into things on your laptop computer. Or a printed photo. Or a book. Or your watch.
Things I hate about work: 1. Waking up 2. Humans 3. Working
Im not sure Im comfortable with the fact that there is now a bunch of people in white coats furiously scribbling notes behind a big glass window while im talking to my therapist. Im suppose to just "ignore" them.
Slow dancing with a fat girl? More like moving a fridge by yourself.
I may have let you down, but it`s your fault for having such high hopes.
Helpful Tip: You can’t get in trouble for leaving work early if you disable the security cameras and crawl out the air-conditioning duct.
With all the botched executions lately, it has been suggested that we bring back the guillotine. But if we do that I`m sure heads will roll.
My best stories always end with the words ... "and then I got the hell out of there."
I`m switching to Metric. I would weigh a lot less on the Metric scale.
You know it`s getting bad when the voices in your head start texting you
I have a drinking problem. When I tilt my head back to take a drink, I can’t see my computer screen.
Curling irons have a warning tag that says “For External Use Only.” Which of you sick mofos made that necessary?
I can`t turn water into wine, but I can turn vodka into dinner