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One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.
My Memory.....The Second shortest thing I have.
I have just one thing to ask you people who say the memory is the first thing to go: What did I come in here for?
I was reading that it takes the average man four minutes to have sex, and he’s asleep eight minutes after that. This sounds very dangerous, because by then most men are driving home.
why me is me ?
You say I’m not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I’m not cold, I’m hot. I know I’m hot. Thanks for embracing it.
Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?
I don`t know about you, but I`ve thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.
You`re only young once but you can be immature forever!
Beach people are fickle. One minute you`re the loser with a bucket of cold fries and the next they`re terrified of the Lord of Seagulls.
If guns don’t kill people, but people kill people, then doesn’t that mean that toasters don’t toast toast, but instead toast toasts toast?
The reason swans mate for life is because they don`t talk.
I`ve stopped drinking for good. I only drink for evil now.
I pulled my wife`s panties to the side.......then put the rest of her socks in the drawer.
New Game: Attach a mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.