Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don’t have a problem with caffeine.I have a problem without caffeine.
My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT?
When I come home 4 the holidays I throw $40 on the table & say "Look we`re keeping the thermostat at 75, and we`re turning on some lights."
Yikes. don`t google "cream pies", google "cream pie recipes"
When I go running, I usually meet new people..... like paramedics.
The male version of a tramp stamp should be called a douche tag.
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and that`s where I sleep.
“Get your panties in a bunch” would make a great slogan at Costco.
I`d like to be poor for a day, because being poor everyday gets to be real annoying after awhile.
That`s a lot of selfies for someone that claims to be emotionally stable
I can`t help but feel insulted when that voice on the speaker calls me a Walmart shopper.
Good things come to those who wait. Better things come if you stop f*cking around and make sh!t happen.
I believe in equality. If we have a 5 day week of work, we should have 5 day weekends as well dammit.
All of those in favor of bitch slapping stupid people, say "I"
I really hope my spirit animal is a bear because well I would love to hibernate all winter.