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Mosquito (noun) - Mother Nature`s way of getting you to slap yourself.
I’ve been in this McDonald’s restroom for over an hour, waiting for an employee to wash my hands.
Toilets are really just fart amplifiers when you are trying to be quiet.
I love everyone these days... Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others, I`d love to punch in the face...
A guy outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I told him, I feel like it would take longer than that
When a cashier asks if you have a loyalty card just sigh and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
Been there, done that. Hypothetically
My life is a constant battle of preventing my muffin top from becoming a pound cake.
Smile. It makes people wonder what you´re up to.
Im thinking, The best part about sitting down at the computer for a minute and making a status message like this is that by the time you`ve finished reading it and taking a minute out of your day you`ll have a brand sense of enlightenment and awareness that you never had before once you realize that there is absolutely no point to this post whatsoever.
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers
Marriage teaches you forgiveness, compromise and tons of other things you wouldn`t need if you`d stayed single.
Reasons I check my voicemail: 1% to hear the message. 99% to get rid of that annoying icon.
I didn`t see anyone important today, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes tomorrow.
Chillin: the art of doing nothing without being bored.