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Just tried to pay for my McDonalds with a hug, it didn`t work. Don`t believe the rumors.
Whenever I see someone in a Smart Car, I expect to see a kid with a remote control nearby.
Here`s $30. Drink until I am really good looking, then come and talk to me.
NEVER go to a wet t shirt contest drunk. I won 2nd place.
By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I`ve likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.
I need a Shazam app for people I`m supposed to recognize but can`t remember
I’m beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on your bus do not go round & round.
When I`m at the mall, I carry a purse around so people think I have a girlfriend.
When I drink I become everybody`s friend which makes up for my hating everybody when I`m sober.
If pi is 3.14, then I think .99 is a good deal for 2 doughnuts.
Being able to read minds would be incredible...but constantly hearing about how sexy and great I am would probably get old.
I will vote for Donald Trump just to hear him tell Obama he`s fired!!
believes saying "hi" with a big smile can brighten anyone´s day ... even those who give you the middle finger for cutting them off in traffic.
Sorry I had to cancel for the 5th time in a row, I thought you would stop inviting me by now.
A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."