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That awkward moment when you go for a run and your boobs start to bounce up and down.......and you`re a guy.
That must have been a heck of a party judging by the police reports.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
So you constantly feel sorry for yourself and feel the need to tell everyone all about it. I can’t imagine why he left you.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day............ Palm Sunday is just around the corner
That awkward moment when you’re yelling at someone and you mess up a word.
The smaller the town, the bigger the sex cult.
Hey Dog Walkers, technically, that dog can walk on its own. What it can`t do is pick up it`s own poop. You`re just a poop collector.
My wife asked about my wildest sex fantasy, but she got pissed when I told her. I probably shouldn’t have started w/ “After your funeral...”
Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.
Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?
You know why it`s called almond milk? Cuz you can`t say nut juice with a straight face
The light does go out in the fridge ... Now I have to wait for someone to let me out.
Ignoring things don`t make them go away, it makes them drunk dial you.
You`re right. I don`t have a clue. I`ve never had a clue. It`s part of my charm and it seems to be working for me.