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Ha! Who`s laughing now, f*ckers that took your Christmas lights down last year!
If your job title is head receiver, you know you`re doing something right.
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re making my pizza & you say "This guy looks like he wants extra cheese" then please do..
"Dancing with the Stars" is being canceled, but tune in to a new reality show by the same creators called, "Athletes do your Taxes."
A Positive attitude may not solve all our problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort!
I hope someone drives slightly slower in front of you on a crowded highway and you can’t pass.
Say no to drugs! Then again, if you`re talking to drugs, you`re probably already on drugs.
You say I’m dirty minded, but how did you understand what I meant?
Sometimes I use big words that I don’t fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
Save water- shower with me!
Hi there beautiful, can I drive you to drink?
Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
Don`t let anyone tell you what you can`t accomplish. That`s what self-doubt is for.
I surveyed 100 women on what shampoo they prefer while showering 95% said How the hell did you get in here!!!
When someone hands you a flyer, it’s like they’re saying here you throw this away.