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Stairs are like rock climbing after a bottle of vodka.
Nice try, blocked number but I don`t even answer the phone for people I know.
Ever seen a person so disgusting you hold your breath when you walk by them? Yea I have.
I don`t care about your choice in politics, religion, or taste in music... I judge you simply based on football team preference
I’ve got a friend whose nickname is “Shagger”. You might think that’s pretty cool. She doesn’t like it
I should win an Oscar for acting like I`m busy at work.
I hope that man who was walking in memphis found out the way he really felt
There is always light at the end of the tunnel. It might be a train or a truck so dont let it hit you.
So my kid secretly recorded me driving and singing and put it on social media if you needed to know how important birth control is today.
Mister Rogers didn’t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how likely is it that your dumbass will say 11?
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers
I need something that`s more than coffee but less than cocaine.
My best friend sent me a message saying,"Your stupid," I replied,"atleast I know the difference between you`re and your,"
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!