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the dude who posted ”MERRY CHRISTMAS“ has still got his head shoved up the turkeys A$$ it seems...
Patient: "The problem is that obesity runs in my family." Doctor: "No, the problem is no one runs in your family."
Good news: I can still do a full split! Bad news: It wasn`t on purpose!
Adulthood is like losing your mom in the grocery store for the rest of your life.
I like to log into facebook and leave a status just to show I`m here. Or am I?
What do sleeping and sex have in common? I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
Beer doesn’t have that many vitamins in it…that’s why you have to drink a lot.
My life is the intersection between having too much caffeine and constantly yawning.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what`s going on and there`s a lot of wine drinking.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
The decline of civilization started when they stopped putting toys in boxes of cereal.
my stomach just growled and it sounded like it said... `Droid`....
Don’t ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself
When people say they work like a dog, I look at mine and think they must mean they just lay around all day and poop wherever they feel like.