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If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I`d just laugh and search with them.
Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!
With a great a$$ comes great responsibility!
Some people are training as complainers like it is a competitive sport
Santa must be the bravest man around. Who else would let a bunch of deer pull them around in a sleigh during hunting season?
Success sleeps with u in private. Failure insults u in public ! Aa
The condoms need to be located in the baby aisle, next to the 30 dollar diapers and 20 dollar formula cans
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that`s over with.
Keep your friends close and your fat friends closer, because snacks.
It´s Friday!! yea! Oh sorry, I was just practicing.
All fortune cookies should just read, "You will have diarrhea for the next 24 hours.
Of all the possible utensils that could have been invented to eat rice with... How did 2 sticks win out!?
Forgotten pocket money is the best!
That awkward moment when you remember something funny, and can’t stop smiling like an idiot.
I Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing