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St. Patricks day is the only time you can ask somebody in public,"Do you want some green" without you looking suspect.
The realization you`ve spoken too loudly when you exclaimed: " My Salad had NUTS!"
A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn`t answer the phone.
Monday comes saturday ends and somewhere in between i realized i slept the weekend away....):
Based on how I react when the toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
Social experiments where skinny people wear fat suits teach us to be nicer to fat people because it might be a skinny person in a fat suit.
I`d be super embarrassed if people saw my google history but only because its all words I should really know how to spell by now
"I don`t see color." - A person who shouldn`t eat snow.
I changed siri to a male voice and now my car keeps taking me to strip clubs and auto parts stores
Sorry I cancelled at the last minute, but it took me forever to think of an excuse I hadn`t used yet.
I am better off now than I was 4 beers ago...
Personally, I think failure should be an option
I can’t tell if I’m hungry, but better eat just in case.
I stopped watching the History Channel because it`s so outdated.
Saying a prayer for all the turkeys today. Also the single people with concerned relatives.