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Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous...Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet.
Trust me when I say anyone can dance! - Jack Daniels
Here`s a list of the things I have to look forward to today: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Drinking after work
How do I tell a man he loves me?
is trying to decide ... laundry today or naked tomorrow
Me being rude: Shut the f*ck up. Me being polite: Please shut the f*ck up.
The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake it then you`ve got it made!
Just saw a cop that had a U-Haul pulled over on the side of the road. Obviously he was trying to bust a move.
I`m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It`s like a tattoo that yells at you.
Hell hath no fury like a hungry me.
The human body is amazing... You breathe in oxygen and it converts it into sarcasm.
Vodka isn`t the answer... but it makes you forget the question :P
“Star Wars” fans are very upset that the story line of the upcoming new “Star Wars” movie has been leaked. Apparently the movie starts with R2-D2, Chewbacca, and Han
Apparently people don`t like it when you lick your thumb and wipe all that black dirt off their forehead.