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Kiss me I`m Irish, put a little tongue in it, I`m French too
I’ve come to the realization that the trash goes out more than I do.
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair
Forget beauty sleep. I want skinny sleep.
Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked.
I really can’t kick ass, but I’m super good at taking names!
I have no problem texting while driving, but I won’t text while going down stairs. That sh!t’s dangerous.
Silence is golden but duct tape is silver.
Quick Hide! Monday is Coming!!
All you single ladies, please stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don`t subject an innocent cat to a life with you.
I could write an entire book on excuses... but I have to drop my dog off at the airport.
I`m working harder than an ugly stripper!!
Don’t believe everything you think.
I`m so lonely I drive around town with a coffee cup glued to the roof of my car just so people will wave at me.
People who enjoy life, rarely have a flat stomach.