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Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?
I won`t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
Whenever someone says to me, "Oh, you look so familiar, where do I know you from?" I like to respond with, "Do you watch porn?"
Scream “Chrome is better than Firefox” around a group of geeks if you wanna see them argue for 2 hours.
It`s friday!! I smell vodka ;)
Men are like lottery tickets. Very exciting at first, until you scratch away the surface to reveal the loser beneath.
My internet is so slow, it`s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them in person.
There`s nothing like sitting by an open fire..watching the evidence burn.
Women come in two types: batsiht crazy and hot enough to ignore the batsiht crazy…
I`m giving up abbreviations for Lent. Laugh Out Loud
Always believe a woman when she says, "you don`t really wanna know"
My daughter exclaims "Cheers!" before she takes a drink of juice. So no, actually, I am NOT looking forward to parent - teacher conferences.
Siri, where are my pants?
Me, on phone to credit card company: What if you just break my kneecaps and we call it even?
uncle Sam can`t be related to me because family wouldn`t do me like this.