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I wish I had a dollar for every time I didn`t have a dollar.
All women are bad for me. At least that`s what my wife says.
i hate not being able to correct the typo i just made in my previous statues update......DAMN IT! I JUST DID IT AGAIN!
"2 weeks with my baby xoxoxo" lol,calm down romeo&juliet.
They say women only use 10% of their anger
My parents told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!” so I turned on the subtitles.
I don`t live paycheck to paycheck. I live paycheck to four days before paycheck...
If looks could kill, mirrors would be the leading cause of death among ugly people
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others. The rest of us have to be the others.
If you are going to write in the dust on my car, please dont date it
“Yes” is a perfectly legitimate response when asked how many drinks you’ve consumed.
They should just block cell phone service in movie theaters. Problem solved.
Sometimes my mind wanders, other times it leaves completly. ;)
I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin