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Note to self... next time my wife asks what`s on tv, don`t say dust
Perverts can contribute to society. Look at the disturbed individual who discovered cow`s milk.
You`re probably wondering how I post so much while maintaining a loving marriage and two amazing kids. The key is neglect.
Eventually we’re just gonna have to accept “ducking” is a swear word.
I bought my Ex a chair ... But the state won`t let me plug it in.
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways
When people say things like "You can`t change the past" I can`t help but wonder what it must be like to have that brilliant of a mind.
There’s so many people I’d love to get the silent treatment from
Can you imagine how sexy I`d be if I ate right and took care of my body... I`m not going to, but can you imagine
Be nice to nerds. You`ll probably be working for them one day
I won $20 by not playing the lottery last night!
Volleyball = A more intense version of don`t let the balloon hit the floor.
Being in hot water isn`t so bad if you throw in some bubbles and a glass of champagne.
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.
Just spent like 5 hours talking to my neighbor about his garden and long story short, turns out it was just a f*cking scarecrow.