Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Look, all I`m saying is, you never see Nikki Manaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time.
"Waiter, I`d like to send this back" -m`am, I believe that`s your husband.
Bigger isn`t always better. Thighs, for example.
What`s worse to have stuck in your head; a knife or All About That Bass?
"Is that for here or to go?" —Real estate agent selling a mobile home
A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them.
People would probably piss me off a lot less if I was allowed to drive a tank.
I`m pretty sure even Santa wishes they would stop playing Christmas music on the radio this time of year.
I hate when I explain how awesome I am to someone and they pretend to not be impressed.
How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?
My body is by no means a temple but it can be one heck of a amusement park ride...
I can`t believe that it`s the year 2012, and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
Most of life is waiting for whatever you`re at to be over.
WARNING: Every single thing I post from here on in, is alcohol induced.
People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.