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I had a terrible dream about mufflers and now I`m exhausted.
I’ve never considered myself much of a conspiracy theorist. Then I discovered the letters in Frito Lay could be rearranged to spell Oily Fart- Coincidence?… I think not!!!
Got a cat the other day. Had to swerve to get it, but I got it!
You`ve really got to hand it to short people, because sometimes they often can`t reach it.
Think about the nicest thing anyone`s ever said about you. Not really true, right?
Most meteorologists are men. That`s why when they say we`re going to get 6-8" of snow, we only get 2 or 3.
Sometimes I like to take a roll of duct tape and use it to cover up all the Mondays on my desk calendar.
This week is the 40th anniversary of the Rubik`s Cube. If you kids don`t know what a Rubik`s Cube is, it`s what people would stare at without human interaction before cellphones. Mel
The last time I saw something as ugly as your face I pinned a tail on it.
Taught a man how to buy fish ... So much easier.
Life is just better when you’re laughing.
Actions speak louder than passive aggressive Facebook statuses.
Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
Someone asked me if I`m ever scared that I`ll be alone forever, which I thought was so rude because my cat was right there.
The important thing to remember is that nobody asked you.