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Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of grains that could`ve become beer, but didn`t
Forecast for today: Unproductive with a chance of a late drinking session.
Whenever I move into a new neighborhood, the first thing I familiarize myself with is the liquor store coz you know priorities.
Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it`s like a high-five for your feet.
All I`m saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.
If we start calling it `potato juice`, Vodka becomes a health drink. RIGHT?
Hate to break it to you mom, but my friends do not care if my room is messy, They care whether or not there’s food
I`d kill for a microwave that plays Europe`s “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially since his name is Mike.
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
People keep thinking that I care ... Wierd.
If A-B-C-D didn`t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn`t have to be so rushed.
Building the city on rock and roll was probably the wrong move from an engineering perspective.
Being a parent means often saying your child is shy rather than "he sees how creepy u are, that`s why he doesn`t want to shake your hand".
I rather read the software license agreement for my computer than some peoples Facebook status drama on my newfeeds