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I would like to discuss tennis but I wouldn`t want to cause a racket
I know that no means no, but that`s about the extent of my Spanish.
I feel so stupid for cashing in my retirement account early. But then I always feel stupid using the Coinstar machine.
Your day sucked, huh? I`m sure Facebook would love to hear about it.
A man made eye contact with me on the train, so I left my shoe behind ... And now, we wait...
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming
Nothing good goes into a microwave at 2:00am.
Guys I can`t be leave I`m sharing this with you, but I saw my self on TV. After I turned it off.
Odd how all the `intelligent life finding instruments` are pointed away from earth.
Sorry I missed your call ... I was to busy singing and dancing to the ringtone
Having to cash in my State Quarter Collection`s map for gas money is reaching a new low.
I like it when everyone posts on Facebook what they are cooking for diner...it makes my decision on who to drop in on so much easier.
To whoever said “fight fire with fire”: do you actually test your own advice before giving it?
My ID expired so I can only go to the liquor store where they remember me: The one where I asked the cashier out and threw up on the floor.
I need a bank to do two things for me: give me a loan and leave me alone