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You never know whats going on in your life until you’re f*cked up.
Ain’t no sandwich when she’s gone.
The United States is probably the only country in the world where people need energy drinks to sit in front of a computer all day.
“Everything you say can and will be used against you” should be included in marriage vows.
I`m sorry I snort-laughed when you were saying your vows.
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn`t for any religious reasons. They couldn`t find three wise men and a virgin.
My doctor is getting really tired of me asking if the stuff I see in commercials is right for me.
don`t kiss the monitor, just ask me nicely..
A communist joke isn`t funny unless everyone gets it.
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word." is super-romantic. But the cop didn`t think so.
I hate it when I`m trying to take a selfie and somebody calls my camera.
This drag race is not at all what I expected. Are they in dresses inside of the cars, at least?
Pretty busy today. Was only able to check my phone 1400 times.
A bachelor party seems more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
To whoever said “fight fire with fire”: do you actually test your own advice before giving it?