Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
People of planet Earth, thank your gods that I`m not in charge of the red button.
Some days your the bug; some days your the windshield.
Two years ago I became a proud parent. My kid is 6, but they were kind of a pain those first four years.
I can`t believe the music that kids listen to now-a-days! What ever happened to wholesome music like "Push It" and "Me So Horny"?
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you..
My wife thinks I`m at work. My boss thinks I`m home sick. These ducks think I`m awesome because I have the bread.
Just about the time I started to give a crap, my attitude became constipated......
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
Facebook: an alternative to drunk dialing.
Alcohol is like laxatives for constipated thoughts. The more you drink, the more sh!t that comes out your mouth.
My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.
Meanwhile one million men got to enjoy a quiet afternoon at home without anyone nagging them.
Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won`t send my dog to obedience school
There were 2 muffins in a muffin shop the first 1 says "I love being a muffin!" then the 2 muffin says ``Holy crap its a talking muffin!"
Getting that beach body is easy. You just have to know where to dig.