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As a man, EVERY month is `Breast Awareness Month` for me.
Dang girl,, Are you a Snickers bar? Because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly long lasting,, hold up,,,, are those nuts?
Sleep feels the way pizza tastes.
The early bird catches the worm. And the late bird catches one of the other trillion worms left. What`s your point?
You can`t Febreze bullshit.
Mom said angels are watching over me. I`m just afraid they`re taking notes to make sure I go to hell.
i was sooo funny i cracked me off.......
LOQ "Laugh Out Quietly" because LOL is giving me a headache
I`m not sure who`s more drunk, me or the guy wrapped in Christmas lights standing in the mirror.
Nothing says love like hearing a toilet flush on the other end of the phone.
I once dated a woman who thought windmills were solar powered. I`m so glad I don`t drink anymore.
Hubby wanted to start the new year out with a bang - So I shot him..
Next time I`m on an elevator with four or more strangers, I`m going to turn around and say, "I`m sure you`re wondering why I`ve gathered you all here."
If my grandmother were alive today, I`m pretty sure she`d still have her blinker on.
I bet Eve bit that apple because she knew she was going to get a bunch of clothes out of it.