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Something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow.
I`ve found that the best web designers in the world are spiders.
People with jobs: It`s Friday!!! People without jobs: It`s Friday?
Dinosaurs never had pizza and they all died.
And then I was all: “I’m really getting sick of your shit, bitch.” And then she was all: “To speak with a representative please press 7.”
I used to date a magazine editor. But, I broke up with her because she just had too many issues. No YOU shut up!
My view on chocolate: God’s way of saying, “No hard feelings,” to those of us who aren’t getting any.
Fashion is what you call hideous clothes that are really expensive
I can`t help but smile when I see a woman wearing a Supertramp Concert t-shirt
I got food poisoning today. I don`t know when I`ll use it though.
You care so much about me? Keep that sh*t to yourself i got my demons under control
New philosophy on life: Do unto others, then run like hell.
Just realized the irony of putting Bacon on my VeggieBurger..........
I keep seeing all these commercial on TV about working out and getting "ripped" in 90 days.. Give me a bottle of Jack Daniels and I`ll get ripped in 15 minutes
Hey, car designers, you have kids, right? How is "limo window partition" between the front and back seat not an option yet?