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Silence is Golden, except when coming from children… Then you’d better go check to see what’s broken.
Relationships should come with an icon that shows you how much time you have left like your phone’s battery.
The more neighbors I spy on through my binoculars, the creepier I think all my neighbors are!
Why do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There`s like 10 women to each man and they`re already there looking for things they don`t need.
Without stupid people we would have no one to laugh at.
If “too drunk to stand” is a yoga pose, then I’m nailing that one.
Really discouraging that there`s still bald people in sci fi movies.
People – the most gentle, loving, kind, sympathetic, peaceful and caring creatures in the world. Especially when they need something from you.
I see you liked my status... I accept your invitation for sex.
three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere "Hold my purse."
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a mans attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
Porn & love songs. Destroying reality forever.
The difference between your house smelling like delicious popcorn or burnt a$$ is around 24 seconds ..
On demand sucks. Hoarders made me fill up the dumpster and clean the house. Now I want to collect coupons and go to the pawn shop....
Tieam... problem solved