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Hey, somebody get ready to wake up the guy in Green Day.
I love that sound you make when you shut the hell up.
This rough sex would have been a lot better if I wasn`t alone.
I wonder how many people die each year from lifeguards running in slow motion?
I was bored of doing the same thing day in and day out,so I phoned the "Local Ramblers Club"....but the guy on the other end of the phone just went on and on and on!
Getting up in the morning is like writing an essay. You want to do it, it takes a lot of effort, and you usually quit halfway through.
I don`t know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
I swear if my memory gets any worse, i`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
You’ll never be as young as you are now.
After the expiration date on poison, is it more potent or less potent?
If a cop pulls over a U-Haul, he`s trying to bust a move.
The best revenge is to kidnap your enemy, tie him up, then pop bubble wrap in front of him and make him watch.
I never finish anyth...............
Imagine coming home from a long vacation and finding your bathroom towels are wet from just being used. I can do that to your ex if you want.
You can tell Charles Manson really loves his fiancee by the way he hasn`t murdered her