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I’m cutting the sleeves off my Snuggie because it makes me look more badass.
"Haha" - me when I don`t understand the reference
No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
Anything is possible when you have no clue what you`re talking about
I have a pretty big ass, so when I half ass something you`re still getting something impressive.
I`m lost, no wait..... Yep, lost for sure
They say women only use 10% of their anger
My 12 step program means parking closer to the bar.
Why go to a public pool when strangers on Craigslist will pee on you for free
Just watched (insert title of horror movie) and it wasn`t scary at all. The crap in my pants is a pure coincidence.
Two things you can always be certain about when it comes to women: 1) They`re always cold. 2) It’s somehow your fault.
Hey sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.
If ANY of my posts have made even one person’s day better, then there’s something seriously wrong with that person
I may not be the only egomaniac around here, but I’m the only one that matters.
Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle.