Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Girls are like guitars: easy to strum, hard to tune
Can`t wait `til I`m old enough to pretend I can`t hear.
When I come home 4 the holidays I throw $40 on the table & say "Look we`re keeping the thermostat at 75, and we`re turning on some lights."
Got a cat the other day. Had to swerve to get it, but I got it!
18 is TOO young to get married! You can`t even buy booze at 18! If you can`t buy booze, how the hell are you gonna make a marriage work?!?
Manager: So, do you have any questions about the job? Me: Yeah, can I have it?
hmmmm...halo or horns today??
Depression is just your body`s way of saying it needs more orgasms.
Iād drink a lot less alcohol if a lot less alcohol got me drunk.
It`s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
Suddenly my prison fantasy football league just got real.
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not have brains is great news for stupid people.
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily Iām just unpopular.
I`d like to thank the person who looked at a buzzing Bee-hive and thought: "Those ba$tards are hiding something delicious in there I know it."
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.