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I’m starting to think that the gym isn’t really for me. I went this morning and laid down on the mat to do some sit-ups. I woke up 2 hours later.
great day! laundry done, dishes and house cleaned.... who am I kidding? been drinking since 9 am!!
I drive everywhere but for some reason my shoes still wear out, it’s like there’s just no reward for laziness.
Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
I’m always impressed when I can stump auto-correct...
Meant to tell my kid "Good night, I love you," but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school tomorrow because this is bullsh!t"
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
To all the NSA agents reading this right now, I just want to say sorry that my life is so boring.
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
I wonder when people without cars pick their noses…
Before coffee: Hates everybody. After coffee: Feels good about hating everybody.
It`s always quiet on here at the weekends, it`s like you people have lives or something...
My best stories always end with the words ... "and then I got the hell out of there."
I am sweet, lovable, kind, shy, and innocent ... Oh, for heaven`s sake! Stop laughing!
Vodka isn`t the answer... but it makes you forget the question :P