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My 4-year-old thinks the 5-second rule means he can eat anything off the floor if he waits 5-seconds first. That M&M was from last Easter.
Out of all the lies I`ve ever told, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
I`m looking for a new personal trainer, the last one didn`t work out
The only dates I get are updates.
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
There`s a word for people like you ... "leave"
The best black Friday deal ... sleep - $0.
Don’t get me wrong. I totally hear what you’re saying…I just don’t care.
Free snow at my house. Shovel all you want!
If you leave me a voice mail that asks me to call you back at my convenience you have no one to blame but yourself.
A synonym is a word you use when you can´t spell the word you first thought of.
Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...
I can`t wait til the Presidential race ends so we can stop hating people for their politics and go back to hating people because they`re jerks
Yesterday I saw something that reminded me of you. I almost stepped in it!