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How could a man who is covered in tattoos be afraid of commitment?
It should be standard for wedding invitations to state if there will be an open bar or not.
If I`ve learned anything from 50 Shades of Grey, its that women still haven`t figured out you can watch porn at home... for free.
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
Never say "piece of cake!" to me. Unless there is, indeed, a piece of cake involved.
Grey Goose and Red Bull, because two sets of wings is better than one.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a prescription bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness."
Next time you are in a restaurant, give this a thought. The fork you are using has been in the mouth of hundreds of people. Now look at the people eating right by you. Scary, right?
loosing weight tip: turn your head to the left then to the right. Do this everytime you are offered food.
A lot of people seem to forget their other four fingers when waving to me.
YOU KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!
The saddest thing about St. Patrick`s Day is taking down all my Christmas decorations.
I need to hire someone who will follow me around and just knock the unhealthy food out of my hand.
I went for window shopping , and guest what , I bought four windows....
change your birthday on facebook to today, see how many people say happy birthday for APRIL FOOLS!!!! lol