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What`s it called when you always have a sweet tooth, but it`s only for booze?
My New Year`s resolution for 2014 is to do something about my procrastination.
The term "I paid GOOD money for that!" is soo silly..Honestly, have you ever seen BAD money? NOT ME !!!
You guys remember back before Google when we would just sit around and wonder about sh!t ...?
You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”
LADIES: Not all men get into a relationship just for sex. Some just need a personal chef.
My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities. I said, “That’s great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity.”
I just googled "Is there really cowbell in the actual song Don`t Fear the Reaper?" and my first response was, "Go outside and do something."
When a girl says "no," a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."
If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that`s another weakness
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart anymore isnt it??
They always say "love makes the world go around"... They spelled beer wrong.
Sometimes in life you have to give the people around you a little push ... into traffic.
roses are red violets are blue da shit in my back yard looks jus like you
Scariest Moment: Flushing the toilet at someone else’s house, and seeing the water rise…