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If someone is jogging at 7am on a Sunday - it`s because they`ve just killed someone right?
Ill be in my office giving co-workers the silent treatment ..by sending them blank emails.
I swear my cat was an alarm clock in a previous life...
Sometimes I wonder if that kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught the fish yet.
To all my friends who post Controversial, Obscene, Dirty, Offensive, and Derogatory posts, .. Keep that sh!t up. I like it....
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes...Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
To the woman that won the powerball ... "what`s up baby"
These old people at the bus stop really suck at paintball.
I came home from the gym today staggering and sweating after pushing my body to the limit ... And all I did was sign up.
L`oréal`s mascara makes your lashes 60% longer? Wow! They should make condoms.
I don’t understand shark movies I mean just get out of the water.
If there is not an open bar and a delicious cake at your wedding, I will take my gift card to Walmart back.
Posting inspirational quotes online is the first sign to depression.
MARRIAGE TIP: Don`t get fat.
Instead of LOL, try SALTS ( smiled a little, then stopped)