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never be afraid to wipe twice
One trenta cheeseburger please.
Hey dude who flipped me off in the Subway parking lot for honking at you, you left your dinner on top of your car.
I can`t afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son`s love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."
Has anyone donated any money to ALS? All these ice bucket challenges I been seeing makes me think ... you all some cheap bastards
To stupidity ... And beyond!!
Instead of cleaning the house I just watch an episode of Hoarders and I think WOW, my house really looks great.
Guy test! find the nearest guy by you and repeat to him the following slowly: Door knob, Titanic, Gluestick, Kiwi, Opra Winfey, Shovel, Boobs, Remote, Battery, Furby, Glowstick, Beer, & Xbox. NOW ask him what he remembers before "Boobs"
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I´m typing this with my middle finger.
Is it just me or do mirrors look really sexy?
If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people workout and then absorb their health benefits...
Hey Pringles, it`s time to widen the can. Your core demographic isn`t exactly thin-wristed.
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering.
Before I stalk someone, I follow them around for a while...Cause you know, what if they`re not worth it?