Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing off everyone is fun and easy.
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you dont have to mow it.
“It would take too long to explain…” Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”
Woke up with my credit card lying on my keyboard. I can`t wait to see what drunk me bought sober me.
We spend 33% of our life sleeping, 33% wanting to be asleep and the rest apologizing to women.
Don`t do drugs. Become a Pop star and they give `em to you FOR FREE!
Thank God you`ve updated your status to "Finished lunch" after you first posted "Going to lunch" I really couldn`t tolerate more suspense.
Dear middle finger, Thank you for sticking up for me.
Sea levels aren’t rising due to global warming. They are rising due to the increase in obesity. The continents are actually sinking…
When I drink I become everybody`s friend which makes up for my hating everybody when I`m sober.
Despite being a pain in the a$$, you have to admit I still bring a lot to the table.
I bet if there were little basketball hoops above every garbage can, littering would greatly decrease.
If it wasn`t for physics and law enforcement, I`d be unstoppable.
If you love something,, let it go..... That`s EXACTLY what I`ve done with my body....