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If you try and don´t succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
"Just be yourself" doesn`t work if you suck.
And then her mood ring just...exploded
The best thing about telepathy is…I know, right?
Pepper spray: The perfect way to end an annoyingly long conversation.
Swag is for boys. Class is for men.
Apparently, when asked by a Traffic Cop "Where you going in such a hurry?", "To your sister`s house!" is not considered respectful to a law enforcement official......
"I guess you`re right." - No one on the internet ever
Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you`re able to "fall asleep right now."
Friends are like snowflakes.... if you pee on them they disappear.
You have your whole life to be an a$$hole...are you trying to use it all up in one day?
Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don`t get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case...
If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
I`m not saying i hate you but if you were on fire and i had water i would drink it
Do you like the strong, silent type? Then you`ll love my farts.