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Redneck word of the day: Twerk "Imma have one more beer then imma get back twerk!"
BEST PICK UP LINE: You would probably sleep better tonight if we had sex.
About to try ordering subway without saying um... Wish me luck!
I don´t like to think of myself as "Special"... I think I would call me a limited edition.
Is there another word for synonym?
The only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed.
I knew I`d be a great parent. Kids aren`t nearly as difficult to take care of as my drunk friends.
I was watching craps at the casino all night until security finally dragged me out of the bathroom.
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn’t make the cut.
Sometimes I wish I was a nicer person but then I laugh and continue my day.
change your birthday on facebook to today, see how many people say happy birthday for APRIL FOOLS!!!! lol
A penny for your thoughts, Five bucks if they’re naughty.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Keep your friends close and your unattractive enemies closer so you look better by comparison in pictures.