Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m not really your friend until I start insulting you on a daily basis.
They say when life gives you lemons….but what if life hands you a rather large banana? What then, my friend? What then?
We can`t cure cancer, diabetes or PMS, but we have 10 different pills to make a mans happy place bigger.
I`ve been spending so much time on Facebook, that I forgot the internet has porn.
Detroit and Chicago seem to be getting it right as of late. Limit all politicians to two terms. One in elected Office and one in prison.
I hate when I go to pump gas only to find out that the little metal "handle hold up thingy" is broken, so I have actually squeeze and hold the handle. I hate it for two reasons: 1) its gross and i just wanna peel my hand skin off like gloves when im done. 2) it makes me realize how lazy I am.
Work is the result of failing to procrastinate effectively.
Hardest question in a relationship, "What do you feel like eating?"
they say there`s love in every corner....gosh I think I`m moving in circles
Ohh sh!t, my b!tch button is stuck.
that an iPhone 6+ in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see me?
When asked `What would you bring with you to a deserted island`, how come no one ever replies, `A boat.`?
Hey, guy from the gym with lifting gloves still on, you can take them off now, you`re in Starbucks.
Yes, that`s correct. And the horse you rode in on.
I wish bedtime was all the time.