Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Can`t dance? Spell your name....in the air...with your butt. BOOM! Next problem...
I wish someone would steal my identity, fix it and and give it back...
It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of there would make him gay. Ha!!,,That solves that problem.
According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with "Go away."
Secret Admirers are just stalkers with good PR.
I need a Shazam app for people I`m supposed to recognize but can`t remember
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said bet you can`t hit me with a quarter!
The next time the creepy guy at the bar asks you "Why aren`t you smiling?" simply reply, "I don`t smile while I fart."
I’ve been that, done that, had that, lost that, needed that and felt that. Just a few of the many reasons why I always drink to “that”.
that strange moment when you get in the van and theres no candy...-Drew Balthaser
I was being taught to use some machinery today, and I was quizzed as to the rules of it`s use. When asked what the first rule is I responded, "You do not talk about Fight Club."
Thinking of opening a bar right next to a gym and call it “Decisions, Decisions”.
The general rule is that you shouldn`t ride an elevator during a fire, but I mean, talk about a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity
"LSD causes users to lose weight" Obviously. You can`t eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge.