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Arguing with a woman is like buying a lottery ticket, you`re proably not gonna win, but you`re sure as hell gonna try!
About to try ordering subway without saying um... Wish me luck!
Share this if you are weird and don`t care
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach the cookies.
Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait...
The hardest part about being humble is not telling people how much better I am than they are.
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
Dear IRS…I would like an itemized receipt showing me exactly how every one of my tax dollars is being spent. Thanks.
The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake it then you`ve got it made!
After I die, there are some people I’m going to haunt the sh!t out of.
As I got older my six-pack turn into a keg.
Golf is such a strange game. You shout four, shoot six, and write down five.
The problem with rich people is I`m not one of them.
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he’s too old for it.