Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Every woman in this world is beautiful...........except for the ugly ones!
Siri, destroy the vehicle in front of me.
I beat my chess opponent in less than five moves with the chair I was sitting on!
Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries. It fills you up nicely but without the buzz.
If I had a cooking show, it would be called “Do You Smell Something Burning?”
If you rearrange the letters of "postmen" they get really pissed off.
When one door opens & another one closes, your fricking house is HAUNTED!
These people keep looking at me like I`m the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Must be nice to get married and finally know who the number one suspect in your murder case will be
I can bench 250 lbs. And by that, I mean, I can sit myself down on a bench in a local park.
My coworkers and I do this fun thing where they say `It`s so cold out!` and I say `It`s winter` and then we silently hate each other.
Just saw a guy driving while eating ice cream. F*cking sundae drivers.
Thanks to my mom, I put my name on all of my underwear so they`re easier to spot when I go through the bar`s lost and found box.
The last time I was someone`s type, I was donating blood.
It`s kind of creepy that you noticed me staring at you.