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Maybe the reason Uncle Phil hated Will was because the first thing Will gave him was a $3700 cab ride bill from Philly to Bel-Air.
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they`re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
Happiness, is just a liquor store away.
If you want to get me to do something, bribery does work.
Im not sure Im comfortable with the fact that there is now a bunch of people in white coats furiously scribbling notes behind a big glass window while im talking to my therapist. Im suppose to just "ignore" them.
I don’t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence…but hey, somebody has to do it!
A funny thing to do would be to text random numbers with "I got the live bees you sent, they`ll do nicely"
The hour that we lose this weekend is the one that I was planning on going to the gym.
If karma doesn`t hit you, I gladly will.
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
It never ceases to amaze me that the little space between the driver’s seat and the center console in my car will fit any object that can possibly be dropped, but will not fit a hand.
If my body is EVER found dead on a designated jogging trail.. Just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.. :|
Most difficult job ever.......Working in a bubble wrap factory......Imagine the self control needed.
Drinking doesn’t make me post better Facebook status updates; it just makes me not care what you think of them…
"you failed just as much as your dads condom."