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I hate those idiots with those bright halogen lights that are blinding, at least they can see my one finger salute.
Sometimes I feel bad about the things I say and do, but today is not one of those days.
Talking louder does not make you any less wrong.
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait...
“Delete, Block, Ignore” Its too bad getting rid of people in life is not as easy as it is on Facebook..
If my psychiatrist said "There`s really nothing more I can do for you", that means I`m cured right??
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
If I`ve learned anything about picking up woman at the super market it`s to stay away from those in the tampon isle.
You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom.
Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart? hmm...
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not a flow chart?
You can get away with farting at the zoo because you can always blame the animals...
I think Facebook now comes under the housework category.
Me: I only smoke weed because of Cancer. Mom: You don`t have Cancer! Me: So it`s working...