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wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don`t solve riddles that open portals to Hell.
If playing Grand Theft Auto makes you violent, why hasn`t 25 years of me playing Madden made me a professional football player?
When exactly are they going to make Xanax fit my Pez Dispenser?
According to Facebook, some people I don`t remember are grilling this weekend.
I stamp my hand on Saturday morning so it looks like I went out on Friday night.
New College Admissions Test ______ not getting into this college: A. Your B. Ur C. You`re D. U`re
My greatest fear is that PMS is fake and this is my real personality.
For all we know, half the birds are telling the other birds to shut up.
Long busy day, I need one of those hugs that turns into sex.
I miss my ex a lot... but my aim is getting better.
You`re about as deep as a kiddies splash-pool..
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, when I tell people about my accomplishments, they always say, "Big deal."
Babies dont have parents, they have staff.
Stay Calm, take a breath, and reload.