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Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone`s cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
That horrible feeling you get when you`re not asleep anymore.
Tire rotation? Nice try, mechanic! I rotated my tires like a thousand times on the drive over here.
so, on a scale of one is to seven, which letter of the alphebet is your favourite colour?
There are now 4 sides to every story. Yours, mine, the truth & the Internets version.
I can`t believe that it`s almost the year 2014 and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
sometimes... late at night... i rearrange traffic signs. people need to be challenged.
I`m thankful for pizza and burgers... and ice cream and bacon and fries and... F*ck it, I`m thankful for food. I love you, food.
If your problem can`t be solved by me saying "damn" and nodding a lot, then you shouldn`t come to me for help.
I got a Rolex for my birthday from my lesbian friends. I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.
Drunk me absolutely loves creating awkward encounters for sober me.
Things that don`t kill spiders: 1: furniture polish 2: Febreze 3: butter 4: screaming
In retrospect, I suppose "harder" wasn`t the best choice of a safe word.
Sometimes words are not enough. That`s why I always like to keep a baseball bat with me, just in case...
Fun Fact: Over 97.8% of men have already made mistakes this year that a woman will remind him about for the rest of his days.