Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I never get nervous or embarrassed. That`s just some sh*t that sober people who leave the house have to worry about.
Got kicked out of the local casino again. Apparently, gold chocolate coins mess up their slot machines or something.
I think I really have an amazing butt. Every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say "what an ass.."
My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I am suspicious that I am up to something I don`t want myself to know about.
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from the neighbours house is genius.
Do you ever order a club sandwich just to feel like you`re a part of something?
Your selfie would be way better if you weren`t in it.
When I say "It’s a long story," it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
This "NORMAL" you speak of, doesn`t sound fun at all.
When I found out my toaster wasn`t waterproof, I was shocked!
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
Instead of having a child, I intend to spend my life acting like one.
Life is like “Facebook” – People will like your problems & comment; But no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs.
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
My dog takes so long to sh!t I can`t believe he`s not out there playing Candy Crush.