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It’s not that I’m old, your music really does suck.
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life.
2 cops walk into a bar... I don`t know what happened after that. I got the f*ck out of there.
Going to one of those places where you chop down your own Christmas tree, and then try to get away before they catch you.
Make your day more fun by going up to a stranger and asking "Hey, how have you been since the amnesia?"
Everyone has a purpose in life ... Perhaps mine is finding things to bitch about.
Hate to break it to you mom, but my friends do not care if my room is messy, They care whether or not there’s food
If only someone on the internet would give me their opinion on the election.
I want to grow old and disgusting with you.
Missed connection: I was a 15 year old boy, you were 1984 Madonna.
No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a break and enter.
I`m Not Perfect. Your Not Perfect. But Together We Can Be a Perfect Sense of Humor LOL!
Full disclosure: All my statuses with less than 3 likes were made by my intern.
I had a very confident breakdown today. ...Wasn`t nervous at all. ;)
Running away doesn`t help your problems, unless you`re fat. Then yeah, run away.