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FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"
Condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she`ll get your paychecks.
I heard an ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" But then, I can`t drive a bus..
really vry funny
Yes we`re friends on facebook but that`s where it ends, stop trying to talk to me in real life... mom
My wife is amazing in bed. She can fall asleep immediately no matter how loud the TV is on.
Most of you like waking up in the morning to see the "comments" and "likes" that your status received. I like waking up in the morning to see WTF I posted!
"Something`s wrong. He`s never walked this far before."- what my shoes would say if you walked a mile in them.
As a matter of fact, the whole world does revolve around me.
I`m working harder than an ugly stripper!!
Watch out! It’s quite possible some of my best mistakes haven’t been made yet.
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
When we were kids, we didn`t have Pokemon Go. If we wanted to look for things that weren`t there, we would get stoned like normal people.
Money isn´t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.
When I`m CEO of Subway, employees will no longer be called "sandwich artists." They will be "sub humans."