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I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it`s a website to find love. So I was close.
Nothing is more comical than seeing someone tiptoe with cheeks clenched hastily en route to a washroom to do #2.
I order all my food with extra gluten.
Yadot rorrim eht fo edis gnorw eht no pu ekow I. (I woke up on the wrong side of the mirror today.)
I get very nervous out when my Subway sandwich moves up the crowded assembly line without me.
i don`t know what to say on your comment so i just hit "like" so you won`t be upset that ignored you.
If a woman asks if she looks fat, it’s not enough to say “no.” You must also act very surprised by the question. Jump backwards if necessary
I went for a run but came back home after 2 minutes because I forgot something. I forgot that I`m fat and can`t run for more than 2 minutes.
Dodgeball, but with random people who don`t know that they are playing..............
When something goes wrong in your life, just yell "PLOT TWIST!" and move on.
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Based on commercials, every single car has won car of the year.
Nobody looks back on their life and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep.
I`m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
I hope daylight savings time hasn`t thrown you off your schedule of doing nothing.