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liquor stores should sell Shamwows.. I bet they would conquer any challenge alcohol can conjure up. spills.. puke.. all kinds of messes.
I can`t get the cork off my dinner.
I can`t stand people who blame everyone else for their problems....I`d be successful and happy by now if it wasn`t for them!!!!
"I`ll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
I see you liked my status... I accept your invitation for sex.
People with the loudest car audio systems usually have the worst taste in music.
“Too much milk left need more cereal” always leads to “too much cereal need more milk”
I hate it when people rub things in my face... unless it`s two boobs.
What if "I`m coming out with a new scent" was just a way for famous people to warn others that they were about to fart?
I wasn`t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I really feel about you!
Whew, good thing there`s a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we`d be in real trouble.
Guys be like, "Lets play 21 question." Girl: Ok, what`s your favorite color? Boy: Triangle, so you a virgin?
You can`t be late until you show up
So far this is the oldest I`ve ever been.
It kinda makes sense that the target audience for fidget spinners lost interest in them so quickly