Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If someday we all go to prison for downloading Movies and TV shows, I just hope they split us up by genre.
Sometimes it’s the little victories, like depositing a dollar to avoid overdraw fees that make me feel like a responsible adult.
Unless you fell off the treadmill and smacked your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
Plastic Surgery is Photoshop for people who go outside.
Last night I got drunk and ate 3 tennis balls by mistake, f*ck you Pringle`s.
Sometimes I wish I could officially change "Hump Day" into "Smack-A-Dumb-Bitch-In-The-Face" Day.
If your girl sets her Facebook relationship status to “Widowed”, it’s time to pack a suitcase as fast as possible.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did, not screaming for their lives like the passengers in the back of his truck
This patience thing takes forever.
Teacher: what comes after 69. Little Johnny: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!!!
Apparently 50% of people prefer pizza to sex. What is wrong with people? Have they never had pizza?
"Iowa man arrested after fight over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches" - I`m just gonna assume this is 1 of you guys
Looks like you have a lot on your mind. Do you wanna drink about it?
Never argue with someone who knows fancier words than you. Like `responsibility`
I have no idea why they say that counting sheep helps you fall asleep. This farm is freezing and these cows are noisy as hell.