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I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??
Women spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
Jehovah`s witnesses tell the worst knock, knock jokes
Does everyone have that one dumb ass that finds you on Facebook and will not give up? Repeated friend requests, inbox messages, and follows my pages. It is driving me nuts. I understand at some point I will have to give in, but just because I am married to her doesn`t mean I have to like her, right?
Relationships would be easier if people came with a “Clear History” button.
is accepting applications. Needed someone to keep me from doing dumb stuff. See previous post.
This might be my ego talking, but I feel my weight-loss spambot followers care about me. They really, really, do.
I wish I can start a new diet, but there`s a bunch of old diets I haven`t finish.
lifes like a box of chocolates, never know whatcha gonna get (:
I don`t hate you, it`s just, if you were on fire. I would roast marshmallows.
I know its true love when I like you even when I`m sober.
Living out of your car isn`t so bad if you keep telling yourself you`re "on tour"
If the breakfast club took place now, all those kids would just be silently texting about their sh!tty Saturday & never make friends w/ each other.
Multitasking (verb) - Screwing up several things at once.