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Teleportation seems like an awesome idea until the creepy guy from down the street is suddenly washing your back in the shower.
I just found out people are playing golf online. And I thought my life sucked!
I feel like being that guy that gets upset when people use the term "straight A`s". "Fabulously flawless A`s" sounds much better.
I stick pins and needles in the people I don`t like because can`t afford voodoo dolls.
Did you know that if you light a candle under the moonlight and you say 3 times the name of the person you love, you will look really stupid doing that!
You could`ve told me that wasn`t your real name before I got the tattoo.
If listening to stupid people burned calories, I`d be a supermodel.
My dog reminds me of my ex. She doesn`t pull her weight financially and she`s scared of the vacuum.
My kids constantly yell at me whenever I try take their pictures, and I tell `em: "You`re gonna need them in 20 years for your Throw Back Thursdays updates"..... whatever!!
Why do they call a status a status if it already happened? I mean, shouldnt it be called History?
Some people are like Polaroids. You have to shake them violently before they make any sense.
I`ve found that nowadays most people don`t like holding hands in public. Especially if you don`t know them.
Thumbnail pics. Helping ugly people look hot until you click on them since 1995.
Keep scrolling , I got nothing.
NO, I didn’t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.