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If I had a dollar for every girl that told me I was unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
Collecting my thoughts… I almost have a whole set! ;)
I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
The self-checkout line was a miracle for the condom industry.
Saw a chameleon today. So I guess it`s safe to say it was a pretty sh!tty chameleon.
What if the lightbulb had never been invented? How would we know when someone has a really good idea?
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", has obviously never been to a nude beach
It doesn’t matter what it is. It is automatically cool if it glows in the dark.
Before Walmart, you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded woman.
What if there actually is one legit Nigerian millionaire prince who genuinely needs to use your bank account?
Whatever Mom, IF THAT`S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!
If being lazy paid, damn dude I must be a billionaire.
I`ve come to the point where I don`t even procrastinate anymore ... I just don`t do it.
When one door closes another one opens. Or you could just re-open the closed door. Because that’s how doors work.
In my day we had to roll the windows up and down with our bare hands.