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Dear automatic flushing toilet. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn`t quite finished...
Not sure how coffee got its own table in the living room, but kudos.
Sometimes I get road rage standing in lines.
Just found a shopping list in this cart that said, "Beer, wine, crap like that", so apparently my soulmate is still out there.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.
Today`s interpretive dance was brought to you by "Spider On My Shirt". Up next we have "Oh jeeze, where did it go?!"
If you were born after 1990, you will never know the frustration of having to rewind your parents porn tapes to the exact same spot...
I remember 2012 like it was yesterday.
YouTube is so addicting, I click on a music video and next thing you know I`m watching how to make ice cream.
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!
I have decided to give up procrastinating for Lent ... oh, crap.
If you live up be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people… like claim you ate a pinecone every single day.
People always ask me, where do I come up with my status`, do I make them up, or do I get them from the internet.. Truth is people. I use Status Enhancing Drugs.