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There’s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
Things I didn`t learn in high school... how to pay bills buy a house apply for college but thank goodness I can graph a polynomial function.
´s status message is better than yours
Remember to make some bad decisions today. 20 years from now that’s all you’ll have to make your kids think you’re cool.
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
Today, I am doing my part to conserve energe, I’m going back to bed.
B!tch, I will slap you by accident on purpose.
The first guy who persuaded a blind guy to wear sunglasses, must have been a hell of a salesman.
I`m gonna hang a Batman costume in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
My mother in law called me today and said? ”Come quick. I think I’m dying” I said, ”Call me back when you’re sure”.
The older I get the earlier it gets late.
It’s too bad that it’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
"I" before "E" except after "Old MacDonald had a farm"
Shout out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money.
People hiking with a giant stick never seem any better at hiking than the rest of us.