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Not sure if this Adderall is working but I just made a pros and cons list about pros and cons lists.
"IT`S A BOY" I shouted, tears rolling down my face "I DON`T BELIEVE IT. A BOY!" It was at that moment I chose never to visit Thailand again.
Doctor told me I need glasses. So I`m having several tonite.
Once I`m finished with this last container of Cool Whip, I will be the proud owner of a complete set of salad bowls.
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is.
"We have smaller, secret pants that we wear under our normal pants..." - me explaining underwear to aliens.
I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi
There`s no time like the present to make a positive change in your life ... or to take a nice nap
There are over 10 different flavors of Ramen Noodles, yet they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
Just...sitting...thinking...planning my next move to get that new roll of toilet paper about 5 feet away from me.
Be good to your nieces and nephews. One day you`ll need them to smuggle alcohol into your nursing home.
I was standing in front of the mirror earlier, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
That last phone call with my wife was so boring, I feel like I owe the NSA an apology.
"Based on a true story" means it happened more or less like this, but with ugly people.
There are 10 types of people in the world, Those that understand binary, and those who don`t.