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I spend too much money on food to afford any diet program...
Ended a relationship today. Don`t worry, it wasn`t mine.
Have a day. That`s about as inspirational I get.
I have short term memory. I also like to fish. Also, I have short term memory.
I`m at the "what can I make with green beans and cake mix" stage of needing groceries
Wanted: Magic hat for a snowman
Yeah but why do they call him Bigfoot if both of his feet are the exact same size
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-a$$ing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
If jail isn`t supposed to be fun, why do they get bunk beds?
Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries".
It`s always the darkest before dawn. So if you are going to steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s the best time to do it.
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.
You don`t know true competition until you`re one of the last two people in musical chairs.
The secret to dancing is pretending you have a wedgie and you’re trying to get it unstuck without using you’re hands.
if your dirty, your dirty... you cant fix it