Daily Silly Status

you need a license to drive, but anyone can have a kid.

Nipples: Nature`s thermometer.

If it`s true that opposites attract, I should be looking for someone that gets up early and does stuff

I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.

The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, and that’s how science works.

"If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best" literally translates to "I`m a loud, sloppy drunk."

Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar, because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and ... hold on, are those nuts?

Here walk a mile in my shoes. They`re giving me huge blisters.

The sucking moment when you wave to someone & they haven`t noticed you & all are watching you & you feel why you waved in the first place & still you run after the person to stop & say HI

I sent that "Ancestry " site some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested that I just start over

I used to think i was good at multi-tasking. Turns out its just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.

The boss said I should let my creative juices flow. What he doesn’t know is that my creative juices are vodka and cranberry.

If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate they`d have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Debra is already taken.

I don`t think we appreciate this era enough. For instance, none of us will see old photos of our moms whoring it up on Instagram.

Never underestimate the power of cleavage.