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To all the waiters out there: we don`t get impressed when you try to memorize our orders, we just get nervous.
A word of advice, stay on my good side. My good side is in Hawaii.
Be thankful for stupid people, they make it easier for the rest of us to get ahead in life.
My new years resolution was to lose 30 pounds by the end of summer. I`ve only got 40 pounds to go.
Chili for breakfast. Cause I hate my Co-workers.
There are now 4 sides to every story. Yours, mine, the truth & the Internets version.
I`m placing myself in "time-out" until I`m able to play nice with others! This may take a few hours as there are stupid people everywhere!
Abaaabbbbaaabbbaabbbaabb..... Long time no ` C ` ; P
A fun part of your 40s is waking up thinking you`re hungover, and then remembering, nope, this is just how my body feels now.
Relationship status: running out of films on Netflix.
Today is opposite day. Wait...if today is opposite day and I say that it is opposite day that means today isn`t opposite day. If it isn`t opposite day then how cAn I say today is opposite dAy? I`m so confused -.-
I don`t know why it`s necessary to get a glass dirty, when wine tastes perfectly fine straight out of the bottle.
I pretend my bruises are sex bruises instead of I tripped over my cat while trying a new dance move bruises.
On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.
I was wondering why some couples don`t go to the gym together but I guess some relationships just don`t work out...