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I’m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You’re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what’s going on here.
Look UPS guy, you can`t just show up at someone`s house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.
Sleep is like sex, you never get enough of it and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all.
I want to give up coffee, but I`d hate to do that to my coworkers.
Helpful Tip: Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
I get so confused when I`m about to watch a TV show or movie and "For Mature Audiences Only" appears on the screen. Can I watch or not?
You`ve never been truly drunk until you`ve had to use a barstool as a walker to get home.
Sure you can try and tell me what to do. Or you can keep your teeth.
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not sharks though. Or bees. Viruses. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don’t love anything.
If you’re happy and you know it, you’re probably exhausting to be around.
I might not be "Smarter Than a 5th Grader", but I can buy booze! Booyah!
Eleventeen percent of the population makes up words.
How does anything EVER get done at the bubble wrap factory??
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
Whoever named anteaters, solid effort right there.